Well you have been warned , so you are a brave , caring soul if you are still reading on in this post. The silence of my blog has been defining I know. It has officially been 14 days since I stepped foot back in America. It has been what seems like the longest couple weeks of my life, and nothing short of exhausting. Mentally, physically, and spiritually I feel like I am being drained to the max. The last time I was out of the country was over 10 years ago , and with that I have no recollection of what transition to "real life" consisted of. It has been quite the learning process keeping in touch with my feelings and all the things the Lord is teaching me. I am experiencing so many mixed emotions as I try to translate my life changing experience into words for family and friends. With every picture I see. Every song I hear. Every smell or sight i encounter , it all seems to trigger a precious memory from my time spent in Africa. Or it proceeds to remind me how different life is lived in America , and how much I do not wish to re-emerge myself in it. Wether it's selfish or not , every morning I wake I am met with the growing ache in my heart to be back in a place where I fell in love. Daily the challenge of balancing contentment , trust , and faithfully stepping forward confronts me.
While my ways are not His ways, and my thoughts not even close to as high as His thoughts I am actively planning to return to Africa this time next year. How amazing that the Lord would chose to share His heartbeat for certain people groups and places with us. He strategically gives each of us a different calling, perfectly in line with His purposes and our gifts and abilities. Such a beautiful thing that I cannot wrap my mind around , yet so grateful to serve a God who is so personable and intimate with each and everyone of us. To be able to fully recognize and be led by the Good Shepherd, there is nothing sweeter.
I still have yet so much to process it feels , nevertheless I am resting confidently in the Lords grace and faithfulness. He knows my hearts desire, down to the core. We wait in anticipation on the fulfillment of the Fathers promises. This explains the silence of the blog lately. I find myself sitting, staring into space, my Spirit groaning within me not knowing what to think or speak in the moment. My spirit so overwhelmed that I am often moved to tears. As terrible as it sounds I know it is part of the process. The Lord will see me through , as He speaks truth and encouragement to my heart. I thought I was a quiet person before. Since getting back from Africa I am about as loud as a rock. I freeze and the only way I am able to process is through prayer journaling, or singing worship songs. Cant complain about that , I sure my Father isn't bothered by it either.
Well for now I say goodnight. Stay tuned. The Lord is moving mightily and in the business of teaching me priceless, precious promises.
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