In the Process

WARNING: Possible Word Vomit Ahead, HAH!!!

Well you have been warned , so you are a brave , caring soul if you are still reading on in this post. The silence of my blog has been defining I know. It has officially been 14 days since I stepped foot back in America. It has been what seems like the longest couple weeks of my life, and nothing short of exhausting. Mentally, physically, and spiritually I feel like I am being drained to the max. The last time I was out of the country was over 10 years ago , and with that I have no recollection of what transition to "real life" consisted of. It has been quite the learning process keeping in touch with my feelings and all the things the Lord is teaching me. I am experiencing so many mixed emotions as I try to translate my life changing experience into words for family and friends. With every picture I see. Every song I hear. Every smell or sight i encounter , it all seems to trigger a precious memory from my time spent in Africa. Or it proceeds to remind me how different life is lived in America , and how much I do not wish to re-emerge myself in it. Wether it's selfish or not , every morning I wake I am met with the growing ache in my heart to be back in a place where I fell in love. Daily the challenge of balancing contentment , trust , and faithfully stepping forward confronts me.

While my ways are not His ways, and my thoughts not even close to as high as His thoughts I am actively planning to return to Africa this time next year. How amazing that the Lord would chose to share His heartbeat for certain people groups and places with us. He strategically gives each of us a different calling, perfectly in line with His purposes and our gifts and abilities. Such a beautiful thing that I cannot wrap my mind around , yet so grateful to serve a God who is so personable and intimate with each and everyone of us. To be able to fully recognize and be led by the Good Shepherd, there is nothing sweeter.

I still have yet so much to process it feels , nevertheless I am resting confidently in the Lords grace and faithfulness. He knows my hearts desire, down to the core. We wait in anticipation on the fulfillment of the Fathers promises. This explains the silence of the blog lately. I find myself sitting, staring into space, my Spirit groaning within me not knowing what to think or speak in the moment. My spirit so overwhelmed that I am often moved to tears. As terrible as it sounds I know it is part of the process. The Lord will see me through , as He speaks truth and encouragement to my heart. I thought I was a quiet person before. Since getting back from Africa I am about as loud as a rock. I freeze and the only way I am able to process is through prayer journaling, or singing worship songs. Cant complain about that , I sure my Father isn't bothered by it either.

Well for now I say goodnight. Stay tuned. The Lord is moving mightily and in the business of teaching me priceless, precious promises.

Adoption

Sitting here at my Aunt and Uncles house. The sounds of pouring rain coming down in sheets solid against the roof and window. Bolts of lightning flashing through the clouds. Thunder like what sounds as bombs going off a little to close for comfort. Curled up on the couch in a huge blanket , cup of coffee in hand, feeling like I'm on vacation at grandma's house. I'm FREEZING , this is not the weather that people told me to prepare for!!
Supposedly we are in the middle of the wet season. Which means it rains every day heavily from beginning of August to December. I am located in a very hilly are located in the middle heavy bush and.deep jungle. Dark green emerald landscape filled with trees makes it the most beautiful sight you will ever see.

The past 5 week I have been pondering this word "Adoption" for some time. The word is used daily multiple times especially in the field of ministry i am working. What does this word mean for children of God? For the lost? For helpless, dependant children? This has consumed my mind day and night as I look into faces soo precious to me day in and day out. How can one look into those eyes and be able to say I don't love you , I don't care, I don't want you ? This concept of adoption wether physical or spiritual is a seemingly simple and sweet concept ye it is jam packed with truth that leaves one in awe.

Adoption is to me one of the most precious and beautiful pictures of our relationship with Christ. What He has done for those of us who are His children. Christ in His love chose us who are of no reputation, possess no wisdom, no power, no.strength, and.dependant children. He takes us from the streets , from begging, hunger , nakedness and clothes us in all He is and all He has. With all He has He gives us access to Himself and all He possess. (2Corinthians 1:26-) We become His, and with that take on the full name and eventually nature of Christ our Father. We instantly become heirs , sons and daughters legally. Bought with His precious blood the most permanent and steadfast of all payments. We are promised eternal life when we will reign side by side with our Father. We have not been adopted into just any nice , loving family. Do you understand we have been called and claimed by the king of kings , Lord of Lord's , we are royalty ! If this does not humble you and take your breath away then I don't know if anything will. If this does not change the way you worship , and view the world then may you fall to your knees and ask the Father to do a work.

Earthly adoption is very much the same way. A child abandoned, left with no family to care for him, is placed with a family who chooses to love and care for him as their own. Legally giving him their family name. This indicates that he is part of their family having access to all they possess and acquire. Treated as one and inheriting alll responsibility of a son or daughter. It is mainly a one way street when parents commit to adoption they give of their time, love, money, and resources . Saying we chose to love and care for this child unconditionally wether or not we receive anything in return from them.

How amazing is it that each one of us can experience this in our personal relationships with the Lord? It is only once we have truly experienced and understood this precious concept that we can give it back. Out of our understanding of who we are in Christ flows the natural love for those lost and abandoned. This can be towards anyone but in the case of our discussion this regards children. You are not going to run into someone who out of the goodness of their heart will take in a child on their own. This heart has to be a re-born by the spirit of God who in Himself is all love. So beautiful when I can stare in the face of these sweet babies and with tears streaming down, cradle them.and wisper , I love you!!!! To recognize that love as an extension of the Fathers heart being poured out through me directly and nothing of myself is unexplainable with words.

But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of a woman, under the law, to redeem those who were under the law. So that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirt of his Son into our heart, crying "Abbas Father. So you are no longer a slave but a son, then an heir through God. 

Galations 4:5-7

Time Machine

Today marks my last day at Amani. I'm quite honestly in complete shock and utter denial that 4 weeks have come and in what feels like a matter of days. If I dwell on the thought to long it brings me tesrs. When i think about the countless friends I have made that will last a life time. Warm sweet smiling faces who loved on me , and gave of all they had. Little faces, hands, smiles, and hugs that melted my heart and made me feel like they were my own babies. Happy little voices that would sing all the day long about the love of their heavenly Father will be forever engrained in my mind. So many children that I was able to witness be adopted into loving, caring families. Yet all the rest I want to just pack into my suitcase and give a home and blessed life. Yet I have to walk away confidently trusting these little souls to a sovereign God who already knows the specific path and purpose each one will take.I have already made so many friends and ministry connections and have every intention to come back next year , and for way longer this time if the Lord wills.
I am now off to spend off to spend 4-5 days with my aunt and uncle in a new village where their ministry has been located for over 16 years. This will serve as a kind of debrief for me and I prepare to head back to the states so very soon. Some ugandan friends came by to drop of a bracelet embroidered with my ugandan name. This is such a special thing in the culture here. They are saying we except you as family , everything we have a right to is now yours as well. It is quite an honor. My name is "Naigulu" meaning from the heavens or above. Why did I ever imagine 4-5 weeks here would be plenty? Well I learnt my lesson haha. It is hard to explain to my friends and family back home.who expect me to be super excited to come home that this place feels just as much if not more like home. I have big dreams and visions for my future life here in Africa if the Lord sees fit. The Lord has revealed so much more about His character to me through teaching me more about myself . Everyday life when completely reliant upon a faithful Father can teach you some of the biggest life lessons.
Soo.excited for the many many pictures , stories and memories that will be shared in the next few weeks as I return home. Please continue to pray for the work that has continued and been started on this trip. That the Lord would continue to provide laborers for His harvest. For traveling mercies back to America. As well as continued health and energy. The Lord has been so faithful and your prayers have not been in vain. Keep them flowing.