Confessions Of Woman Counselors: Part 6

Should Woman Counsel Men?? 
Vanessa Ellen July 17, 2012


Women Counseling Men?
Statistically, most churches report a larger percentage of women in attendance than men; or they report a slightly higher percentage of women attending church more often than men. Most often women make up the bulk of the volunteer force as well. So quite naturally we can assume that the majority of members serving as counselors in the local church are women.

On one hand, this is a great opportunity for women to use their gifts and talents to serve the Body of Christ. On the other hand, one might wonder if having women counsel men is the best approach to a counseling ministry. In order to continue the discussion on this issue a couple of things must be considered such as: theological implications and fleshly temptations.

Theological Implications
If indeed the words Pastor, Bishop and Elder are synonyms and refer to one who rules over the church, then Paul’s instructions to Timothy (1 Timothy 2:11-14) become relevant to this discussion. In this verse, the Apostle Paul instructs women not to teach or exercise authority over a man. The context of Paul’s admonition is the local church.

Women who serve as counselors in the church are providing spiritual insight; they are teaching men biblical truths and holding them accountable to fulfill biblical mandates. They are ruling over their counselee in an authoritative manner. In my interpretation and application of this passage, this would be a violation of Paul’s instructions to women because they have authority over their counselee and are instructing their counselee in biblical truths within the local church. The Apostle Paul is emphasizing definite role distinctions that are timeless and are commands for all Christians to obey. Women should not be in any position of authority in the local church that would resemble the Pastoral role of shepherding men.

Even so, in the book of Titus (Titus 2:3-5) women are encouraged to teach other women how to live a righteous lifestyle. In essence, women can assume the role of guiding (shepherding) other women in the Body of Christ under the authority of their male leadership. Thus, one can conclude that women can serve as biblical counselors in the local church. However their focus should be on teaching and instructing other women in matters of spiritual difficulty as it relates to living the Christian life.

As we recall the statistics of women to men ratios in most local churches, there are more women in the church therefore a woman can have a rich ministry life counseling other women. She never has to feel unworthy or less useful because she cannot counsel men. It is just the opposite, she can find joy in the reality that God can use here mightily in the area of counseling women.

Fleshly Temptations
As we continue to search for biblical answers to the question, “Should women counsel men?” we must consider the potential perils of the flesh when women counsel men or vice versa. Our great God has given us natural inclinations of attraction: female to male and male to female (Romans 1:22-27). These natural inclinations can become emotionally confusing when the counselor “seems” to understand you or “seems” to provide the spiritual conversations that are missing at home. Many tragic testimonies can be told of the counselor and the counselee crossing a moral line and ruining marriages, ministries and their gospel influence to a lost world.

It is important for us to remember that too much time spent talking and being transparent with people of the opposite sex can lead to moral compromise. This does not pertain only to the area of counseling. This is a reality worthy of consideration across the board: at work, in school, in the church, on vacation, at family gatherings and many others.

Additionally, due to the fallen nature of man these same attractions can happen with the same sex. However, we were designed to have a natural desire for the opposite sex but not the same sex. Thus, we could conclude that it is better for women to counsel women and men to counsel men. This certainly will not prevent anyone from choosing to sin and engaging in ungodly relationships; however, it will provide a system for a spiritual safety net for those who diligently seek to live a righteous life before God.

As it relates to men counseling women, this is not an all-encompassing rule that should always apply to pastors or male leaders of a local congregation. Women should be able to receive the counsel of their pastor; he is their shepherd and as such, he does have a responsibility to disciple those whom the Lord has placed in his congregation. However, the conversation needs to continue in order to expand our awareness of practical ways for male leaders of congregations to further develop creative ways of handling such a sensitive matter.

Concluding Thoughts
Many ideas have been suggested to assist in keeping fleshly temptations at bay such as: developing a counseling ministry that includes woman to woman counseling opportunities so that women will have an opportunity to speak to other women who understand spiritually, emotionally, and biologically what they are going through.

Therefore, we could conclude that it is biblically appropriate and spiritually beneficial to encourage women to counsel women and not men. Certainly there may be times, such as with Pricilla and Aquila (Acts 18:18-28) where women encourage men in spiritual matters, on an individual basis. This is more of an exception than a rule. Also, this does not suggest that these instances draw to an ultimate conclusion that women should hold official positions of authority over men in the local church in order to fulfill these exceptions.

Join the Conversation
This is, of course, a much discussed topic. What are your biblical views on whether women should counsel men and whether men should counsel women?

These questions can lead to other important aspects. How can women fruitfully impact the lives of other women in the local church? How can male leadership use women in the counseling ministry as a help and support to them?