Thinking About God

Throughout my senior year of college up until the last couple weeks I have struggled with a thought that often finds its way into my head. This thought being that my 3 years of hard work and study of the Bible and Worship Ministry was a waste, and that I made a poor decision to even go to college in the first place. I know those reading this may be alittle shocked to be hearing this but I assure you that I am not at all perfect and that I daily struggle with what exactly God has for my life especially in times of struggle when nothing seems to be going the way you think it should be. God is still faithful and soo faithful and I can look back on the last 3 years of my life confidant in that truth. My mom and other spiritual leaders in my life have encouraged me and tried to correct my thinking when I would bring up this idea, but in my pride and sin I would let my hardened heart get the best of me and ignore the truth that they were so graciously reminding me of! By the grace of God there is a daily process of sanctifying work that is going on in my heart and mind and i am humbled and amazed at how God is changing my thinking and enlightening me to the truth in His Word. 

I came across a quote in a book I am reading by a well known biblical counselor, and this is what it read. "The Holy Spirit must take the Scriptures He wrote and apply them to our hearts, enlightening our minds, and freeing us from error. Incorrect thinking about God's character breeds idolatry. The only way that we can avoid the sin of idolatry is by immersing ourselves in Spirit enlightened study of God's Word through the Scripture." This book is all about how to kill the idols in our life and learn to long for Jesus alone with our whole heart. It was brought to my attention that this whole time I have been battling the idol of independence, feeling secure financially, having a solid degree that would get me a great paying job. This feeling of having wasted 3 years was coming from a heart that was desiring after wealth and treasures of this world that I so thought would make me happy if I had them. This along with having a husband and being married by the time I graduated also took up priority in my heart. When I looked at these goals and saw them not taking place, even in spite of my effort to manipulate life situations to work for my benefit I would quickly become frustrated and upset with the Lord. All these things and more I was allowing to reign on the throne of my heart and take complete control of my life, these things became more important to me then my worship and dedication to the Lord. In my attempts to try and gain these things I settled for less then God's will and best for my life. This of course was the source and root of my stress, worry, depression, unhappiness, confusion, and so many other emotions. 

It is always amazing to me how God allows things in your life for a reason to teach you specific lessons, to build Godly character, to mature your faith, and to increase your knowledge of the Lord and His Word. God forgive me for the attitude, thinking, behavior, and way of living that I allowed myself to embrace for so long. Praise God that in His mercy He has guided and directed my steps and has taken me down the path that He sovereignly already set out for me long ago. Praise God that in His loving kindness He never left me to walk alone but has faithfully taught and spoken to my heart time and time again, convicting me of my sin, and setting my feet upon the Rock. We serve a truly AMAZING God who loves never ends, His mercy never ceases and who has raised our life from the grave through His precious Son. 

Needless to say I walk in my college graduation ceremony to receive my diploma that states I have completed the requirements for a B.A. in Biblical Studies and Worship Leadership. Needless to say I wouldn't change that for the world, I have a firm foundation in the study of God's Word that is going to carry me through the rest of my life as I continue to study the greatest book ever written. This is our purpose, this is what our lives as followers of Christ needs to be about the study of, and growing in our knowledge of the Savior and Scriptures. May we seek to be diligent scholars of this book and may we never take for granted that we have our very own private Tutor living inside us enlightening our understanding and leading us into ALL truth. Praise God for Himself and His work on the cross may we study hard so that we have much to share with a dying and lost world!!! 

HAPPY EASTER, FOR HE IS RISEN INDEED!